


When Do You Feel the Most Peaceful?

by hollidayparty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Reylo - Freeform, Soft Ben Solo, pre-tros, reylo cuddles, soft rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22214239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollidayparty/pseuds/hollidayparty
Summary: Seeing him through their connection in the months after Crait had been.. difficult. He had oscillated between raging at her with blazing anger to pointedly ignoring her with chilling indifference. Rey wasn't sure which one was more painful.Now, as she lay on her bunk listening to the squall blustering outside, she could see how much progress they had made. It had been slow going, but every time Rey sees him, she sees more and more of the real him returning.Ben.Her Ben.---------------------Set somewhere between TLJ and TROS. Continually thrown together by their bond, Rey and Ben have been making progress in understanding each other.They're connected one night as Rey enjoys a thunderstorm and thus ensues this tender moment that won't get out of my head, so here we are.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 60
Kudos: 338
Collections: my favourite Reylo





	1. I'll Give You Anything

**Author's Note:**

> my hand slipped

Rey tries to focus on the pattering of raindrops outside her window. The fragile glass pane is pushed ajar, beckoning the rumbling storm into her quarters. Shivery, sodden air saturates the small space around her. Slow, rolling thunder drums in the distance and yet again, she's reminded of _him_ , of how the intensity of his emotions and the depth of their power always seemed to be quaking just below the surface. 

Seeing him through their connection in the months after Crait had been... difficult. He had oscillated between raging at her with blazing anger to pointedly ignoring her with chilling indifference. Rey wasn't sure which one was more painful. Her own anguish and guilt had churned within her, tearing her apart from the inside out, but his _pain_ had flooded her through their bond, searing her mind and heart. 

She rarely interrupted his tirades, only lashing out when he went too deep, struck too low below the belt. But afterwards, when the connection had severed, she had burned with regret over the words she hurled at him. And hardly did she try to break through his icy apathy, though the frigid ache it caused in her chest stung for hours afterwards. 

And then things changed. 

Once, after he had screamed himself hoarse, she whispered something that struck him like a lightning bolt and rooted him to the spot in the aftershocks. He wasn't entirely sure he wasn't hallucinating. Rey stared at her shoes, tears welling in her eyes, and she finally, _finally_ , told him what had been trying to tear its way out of her throat for weeks. 

"I'm sorry." 

As her tears fell, so had the mental shields she so carefully constructed. She let him feel her regret, her longing, how deeply she missed him, how she had _wanted_ to trade everything in the galaxy just to keep him. 

He was staggered. He had been so caught up in feeling betrayed and cast aside, yet again, it hadn't occurred to him that she was _just_ as conflicted and wounded as he was _._

A heavy, strained silence seeped between them for several moments. Then, finally, he sighed. 

_I'm sorry, too,_ he murmured miserably through the bond. 

In a rush of emotions, he showed her his contrition and how he hated himself for how cruel he had been to her. But he had only ever known one way to process his pain, by weaponizing it. In that soft but severe moment, as he listened to her breathing hitch as she tried to quiet her sobs, he wanted to be different. For her. For himself. 

Now, as she lay on her bunk listening to the squall blustering outside, she could see how much progress they had made. It had been slow going, but every time Rey sees him, there's more and more of the _real_ him resurfacing.

Ben. 

_Her_ Ben. 

He materializes next to her the instant his name enters her head, as if she'd summoned him. She half expected him to be standing a few feet away from her as he normally is. Yet he's inches away from her, curled on his side, his body tilted horizontally, resting in his own bed. 

His eyebrows lift swiftly at their closeness, but his expression smooths out again as she offers him a small smile in greeting. 

"I'm sorry if I woke you," she murmurs, taking in the shadows lining his eyes. 

Ben shakes his head. Flashes of his recent restless nights flit into her mind from his. He hasn't been sleeping much anyways. A worried dent appears between her brows as she studies him.

Rattling sharply, the small stone window shudders delicately as a clammy gust of wind forces its way through her quarters. Raindrops splatter against the stone floor as they spill over the sill, papers ruffle on the small workbench in the corner, the fabric of her unwound arm wraps drooped in a nearby chair flutter toward the low ceiling. 

Rey's hair is sloppily tousled by the wind, the ends of her waves lifting and twisting in on themselves as the stormy breeze rushes around her. Ben eyes the dancing tendrils as they flutter around her neck and skim softly against her collar bone. His brow pinches together in a quick flicker of movement across his features and his confusion brushes against Rey's mind. 

_Are you... outdoors?_ he asks silently. 

Rey feels concern bubbling under his incredulity. She flashes him an abashed smile, like a child caught red-handed. 

"No," she mutters. "But my window is open, there's a thunderstorm."

She says this like it's the most natural thing in the world to have her window open to the spilling rain and welcome the drizzly, tumultuous gusts inside like old friends. Ben is perplexed, but before he can press the matter further, she shivers, eyes closing involuntarily as she gently trembles against the chilly, wet wind. 

"Are you cold?" 

"No," she answers too quickly, giving away the lie. She shivers again. 

_Yes,_ she admits in his mind. _But I like it. The breeze, the storm. It's..._ she trails off, unsure of how to explain. Instead, she tentatively presses against the bond, offering him a memory. 

He watches as she remembers the first time she'd seen rain. Actual, real, _rain,_ just gushing from the sky. The memory isn't that old, from perhaps a year ago, maybe a little longer. He relives her wonderment as she inspected the tiny lakes pooling at her feet, dotting a worn dirt path in front of her with shallow puddles. Her clothes were already on their way to getting drenched, but she had meditated then, all but flinging herself into the Force. She was eager to feel the pulse of the downpour as it beat a gentle tattoo against the forest. She followed a raindrop as it slid down a broad leaf. She relished the noises from thick, fat droplets heavily pattering onto the ferns lowest to the ground. She traced the path of a steady trickle winding down a nearby vine. A childlike giddiness spread through her, sweeping Ben up in her joy as her eyes flew open in the memory, drinking in the scene around her. 

The scene flickers out gently and Ben's eyes refocus on Rey's. She's waiting for his response, feeling slightly juvenile for disclosing how precious this indulgence is to her. 

He grins at her. He can't help it, not when she's being so charming without even trying. He nudges his endearment and affection into her mind, wordlessly thanking her for showing him. 

_But you're still cold,_ he counters.

Gingerly, he presses his socked foot against hers, deepening their connection and opening their surroundings to each other. Then he carefully drapes the side of his heavy blanket closest to her across her shoulders.

Instantly, warmth and the scent that is so uniquely _his_ engulfs her. Rey burrows into the blanket, pressing the fabric to her nose as she tries to slyly inhale. She grins widely and flits her eyes up to meet his once more.

"Okay," she concedes. "This _is_ better."

"So, the desert girl loves the rain?" he asks, a teasing lilt dripping into his voice. 

She rolls her eyes and her mental response of _duh_ reverberates loudly through the bond. 

She sends him a frank explanation in the form of a burst of flashes of her life on Jakku; how her throat was constantly desiccated, how her skin was always seared by sun-scorched metal, how oppressive the blistering heat could feel, even hours after the sun had unwillingly slunk below the horizon. 

Even though her tone is lighthearted, he winces. He's unsure if he'll ever _not_ be angry at the suffering she'd endured, if he'll ever stop wanting to wish it all away for her.

In response, he sends her an image of the waterfalls surrounding his mother's estate on Naboo. The cascades roar softly as they tumble into the iridescent pools below. Sunlight glitters on the surface, refracting the light into a thousand shimmering points. 

Rey gasps softly at the image, spellbound by the beauty. Ben, in turn, is bewitched by her astonishment and open longing. 

"I'll take you," he murmurs aloud, unable to stop himself.

 _I'll give you anything_ , the thought floats involuntarily from his mind to hers.

She eyes him playfully.

 _Anything?_

She projects into his head the vision she'd had all those months ago, of him returning to the light, rejoining the resistance, embodying a perfect Jedi. It's different than the last time she showed him, as if it's lighter somehow. Free of the urgent pleading that had saturated her mental tone before. Now, she's teasing him. In the corner of his mind, Ben marvels at her being so candid with him.

Outwardly, he rolls his eyes at her. He looks so much like Han when he does that, she notes fleetingly. He tosses a pitiful attempt at a withering glare at her, yet his eyes shine with a mischievous happiness. Her answering smile is a radiant beam of starlight. 

_Keep smiling at me like that and we'll see._

She laughs and the sound makes him feel like he's flying. 

_Oh, is that all it would have taken?_

Before he can counter, she changes the subject. She doesn't want to argue with him tonight. Not now. Not when he's finally so relaxed and smiling and open and _joking_ with her. 

"What's your favorite weather?" she asks aloud, in an effort to distance their conversation from the direction of their thoughts.

"I don't know that I have one," he answers after a moment. 

"Really?"

"I can't think of anything that makes me feel the way the rain makes you feel, I guess," he shrugs. 

"Well," she presses, "when do you feel the most peaceful?"

 _Now. With you. Anywhere with you,_ his mind supplies automatically. 

She blushes. She's not entirely sure he meant for her to hear that, but she can't feel any regret or embarrassment coming off of him. 

He closes his eyes, concentrating, as he pulls up the dregs of a smattering of memories. 

He's sitting on his balcony as a boy. Knees pulled to his chest as he counts the stars instead of sleeping. The warm breeze rumples his hair. He hears the trees swaying softly, branches bowing obediently to the wind. The memory shifts, and suddenly he's a padawan, sitting outside his hut in the moonlight. His arms are looped loosely around his knees as they splay outward from his crossed ankles. The stars wink down at him. He watches the strong winds raging against the treetops, but the breeze on the ground is slight and he's comfortably sheltered. He closes his eyes and listened to the forest sway around him, feels the foliage lurching rhythmically as the wind whistles softly above him. He was within and without, a peaceful in-between. 

She closes her eyes, soaking up his remembered contentment. He watches her face as she sighs and pulls his blanket closer around her. Several tranquil moments trickle by in a relaxed and comfortable silence.

 _Thank you_ , she whispers in his head.

 _For?_

_Showing me. Letting me see._

He shrugs. 

"I…like it," he mumbles haltingly. "I can't remember the last time someone…" 

"I know," she tells him. She carefully brushes her fingertips over his cheek, faintly charting the scar she gave him. 

Everything with her is different, he thinks mostly to himself. Easy. Relaxed. Light. No manipulation. No politicking. No hidden motives. Just…them. It's overwhelming, comforting, and terrifying all at once. 

_I know, I feel it too_ , she answers silently. 

Without hesitation, she scoots closer to him and presses her face against his chest. 

He _should_ be taken aback, but having her this close feels as natural as breathing. So he drapes his arms around her and hums contentedly, relaxing deeper against his own bed. Tentatively, he faintly brushes his lips against her hairline. 

_Home,_ their minds sigh in unison. 

The wind suddenly blows harshly into her room once more. She shivers and nestles tighter into Ben's arms. 

_Sleep_ , his mind nudges hers. _I'll keep you warm_. 

Rey yawns delicately and gently fists her hand in his shirt. Her mind answers his as she sinks towards sleep. 

_And I'll keep you always._


	2. Even More Than My Own Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wHoOpsSs 
> 
> the additional chapter i never intended to write, but i can't get enough of these two. two more chapters are in the works, but we'll see how many more take shape after that?

Soft morning sunlight pours over Ben's face. Rey studies him, noting the brown and red hues glinting in his coal black hair. A few strands cling to his forehead in the lingering humidity of the previous night's storm. Sensing that she's awake, he blinks his eyes open slowly, tracking them over her face, mapping the smattering of freckles on her features.

There's a feeble bashfulness between them when they're wrapped around each other in the daylight and the concealing comfortable darkness of the night is long gone. But then Ben smiles shyly at her and it's like being home. Their connection starts to dissipate and Ben timidly presses a soft kiss to her brow and then disappears. Rey closes her eyes and stays still for a long while, fiercely missing him and reveling in the quiet solace they'd managed. 

Their nights together become routine. Rey calls him to her, or Ben calls her to him; it's hard to discern which is which sometimes. More often than not, they fall asleep centimeters apart or nestled together, talking in low murmurs or just basking in their sated longing. 

They often trade memories. He shows her how Leia always brought him something interesting from her diplomatic trips and how he loved the history lessons she gave him about the world and culture she had just visited. He'd always been hungry for knowledge, obsessively pouring over Jedi texts until late at night as a padawan. Occasionally, he vents to her, safe in this one space where he can display his open annoyance about the more tedious aspects of being Supreme Leader. She laughs at how much Hux annoys him, disdain dripping off of him whenever he mentions the general. 

In turn, she tells him more about Jakku. He smiles at the memory of her whizzing through the desert on her newly built speeder, the result of several painstaking weeks of scrimping and pocketing parts. He listens sympathetically when she huffs that Finn and Poe's bickering is driving her up the wall, recounting how Poe had been snappish over BB8. 

One night, she tells him about how she turned down all those rations for the droid when she first found it. He's awestruck at that. She didn't owe this galaxy anything, but she chose this strange, lost little droid over more food than she'd ever seen at one time in her life. She shrugs at him, blushing at his wonder. 

_And then that decision ultimately brought me to you,_ her mind whispers to his.

A rush of affection and biting chagrin flood through him in equal measure. He thinks of the first time he saw her.

"God, I'm so sorry," he breathes. She tentatively searches his mind, momentarily stunned that she's gotten an _actual_ apology from him. But all she's met with is a deep well of genuine contrition and remorse for how he'd treated her, for how broken and feral he had been. 

They tiptoe around the heavier things that came after that first meeting. Their brutal duel in the snow. Finn injured and unconscious. _Han_. A wound so raw and festering, he still feels it bleeding into every part of him. Rey is careful not to just sweep this sin away with platitudes and fragile words, but she no longer wants to try and continually punish him for it. She knows he has to forgive _himself_ before Rey can ever hope to help him reconcile his past. 

Eventually, their conversation lulls and they drift off inches apart, fingertips brushing together between them. 

Not long after, Ben's sleep is hijacked by an anxious, tense dream. The perspective is wrong, flipped somehow. It takes him a few seconds to realize this must be Rey's. 

They're back in the throne room on the _Supremacy_. Praetorian guards stand watch like deadly sentinels around them. Snoke, smug and taunting, is sneering from his perch on the throne. 

Rey is on her knees before Ben. Or a version of Ben, conjured by her dream. _Kylo Ren_. She’s restrained by the Force and panting harshly. The phantom Kylo Ren stares balefully down at her, his eyes flat and dead as they glare through hers. Snoke gives the command to execute Rey, jeering as he narrates Ren's thoughts. 

The real Ben watches in horror as the specter of himself ignites the crackling blood red saber. He knows what's going to happen before it does. 

Frantically, he starts calling to Rey's consciousness through the bond, desperately trying to wake her. Despite his efforts, the nightmare plays out relentlessly before them. 

Ben screams in his own mind as the shadow plunges the blade through Rey's chest without hesitation, twisting it viciously as the hilt meets her sternum. 

With a terrified gasp, Rey jolts awake, flinging herself backwards and away from Ben's reach. She's shaking, her eyes spin wildly around the room, tears stream down her face, her chest heaves. Her mind is frenzied as she tries to parse nightmare and reality. 

_Rey, sweetheart, it's okay. It's not real._

His mental murmur is soft and cautious. He's frozen in place, trying to avoid alarming her further. Her frantic eyes find his and he sends as much calm and safety and security as he can through the bond.

The first thing Rey notices are his eyes. _Ben's_ eyes shining with emotion as they analyze her. Not the empty, cold, furious eyes of Kylo Ren. 

She flinches mentally as the image of the saber piercing her chest roars in her mind once more. 

"I could _never_ ," Ben murmurs fervently, the rest of the words dying in his throat, choking him.

He shudders at the nightmare. Killing his father cleaved his spirit in two and he reels at the thought of what losing Rey would do to him. But his entire being forcefully rejects the idea of harming her, of inflicting pain on her, of making her feel the stinging betrayal and searing abandonment that's quivering in the space between her gasps.

Tenderly, he offers a projection to her; a true memory of the twisted moment that’s terrorizing her now.

Solid and substantial as a mountain, Ben’s resolve to shield Rey from Snoke looms in every crevice of his being. With this conviction singing in him, it was almost too easy to turn his back on the only voice that had ever comforted him, that had whispered to him as far back as he remembered, that had welcomed him with open arms at his darkest moments. 

Watching Rey be tortured, listening to the guttural screams rip from her throat, seeing her convulse in midair had woken something primal and ferocious in him. _He had to protect her._ No matter the cost. The second Snoke decided to harm her, Ben had decided the monster would die. He would have torn that ship to pieces with his bare hands if it meant she would be safe.

Rey is overwhelmed by the sincerity and ferocity of the memory, gasping as it jolts to an end. She can only manage a few small nods of understanding as she closes her eyes and concentrates on slowing her breath flow and unclenching her muscles. 

Ben ponders the absurd dichotomy of his own person as he watches her. Even though he's all gentleness and docility with her, he knows he has never been more lethal. He would do _anything_ to keep her safe. _She_ is more important to him than anything this galaxy has to offer. 

_Even more than my own life,_ the thought slips between them from his mind. 

Rey trembles in response, but she's measurably calmer now, her breathing more stable, her face no longer crumpled in pain. Hesitantly, showing her his intention mentally before physically acting on it, Ben reaches out and brushes the lingering tears from her cheeks. He rests his hand softly against the curve of her jaw, fingertips framing her earlobe. 

Rey breathes out a very long sigh as she opens her eyes and watches him. She wants to be _close_ to him, but she’s suddenly afraid to ask, worried about seeming more needy than she already has been. Conversely, Ben is aching to cocoon her in the safety of his arms, but he doesn’t want to overwhelm her. Haltingly, she nudges him mentally, asking silently for closeness, and without hesitation he pulls her to him, cradling her face against his chest and pressing his cheek into the crown of her head. 

He’s not sure how much time passes while he holds her, but eventually Rey is dozing peacefully against him. He gazes down at her and wishes he were actually _with_ her, abruptly unsatisfied with this manifestation of the Force. 

He wants everything to stop. The war, the fighting, the endless cycle of vengeance and death and power, all of it. He just wants _this. Her._

He knows what he has to do, but he doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it. 

The edge of Rey’s consciousness flutters against him.

_You do._


	3. Not If It's You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two updates in two days?? it's a miracle 
> 
> buckle tf up for some FEELS my dudes

Acrid jet fumes sting Rey’s nose as she sprints into the bustling resistance hanger. She scans the returning ships for any fires or gaping holes, anything she can help with. The air is charged with a restless, disbelieving energy and Rey steels herself for whatever news is about to be delivered. 

She spies Poe nearby, clambering out of his canopy, chucking his helmet to the side, and barking orders. He makes a beeline for Leia, brow furrowed and mouth turned down scornfully. Finn jogs behind him, breathless and sweaty from battle and wearing a matching grimace. 

Rey jogs over to the group, Poe’s voice carrying to her as his temper flares. 

“It doesn’t make sense!” he yells, pacing restlessly. “I don’t trust it.”

Rey turns to Finn for an explanation. 

“They had us,” he pants. “There were TIE-fighters pinning us down on every side. Every gun was trained on every single one of our ships. They could have decimated us in a heartbeat!” 

She feels the panic and confusion rolling off of him.

“What happened?”

“Ren showed up,” Poe spits before Finn can answer. 

Rey’s heart skips a beat and her eyes flicker to Leia’s face and then away. 

“He flew right up to my damn windshield and stared me in the face,” Poe seethes. “And then he just… _ran off.”_

“He _what?”_ Rey gasps. 

“The fleet followed him,” Finn supplies. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like he told them to ignore us. Or forget that we were there. We were able to just… slip away, completely unscathed.” 

Rey grapples with this information. He called off an attack? By mind-tricking his entire fleet? He’s the only person she can think of who is powerful enough to do something like that. He could do it. But _why?_ He had the majority of the rebel ships in the palm of his hand. _What_ is he doing? 

“General, permission to speak freely?” Poe asks suddenly.

Leia’s brows fly skyward in a silent _you haven’t been already?_ But she nods.

“What the FUCK is that little shit playing at??” 

Poe rages for a long time after that. Rey slips away as he and the other pilots angrily speculate and recount their experience. 

As soon as she’s alone in her quarters, she closes her eyes and reaches across the stars for him. 

_Ben._

She feels his presence shimmer into the space before her. She eyes him curiously. He’s several paces away from her, shoulders slightly hunched and face pinched. He knows she knows about what happened. 

He’s … bashful? Rey is even more confused, her questions tumbling silently into his mind in a jumbled rush. 

“I thought…” he starts, unsure. “If maybe… things were more neutral. If things were on a path to becoming more … peaceful. Well, we could… maybe, but only if you wanted, I don’t want to pressure…” 

She’s never seen him so flustered. Any other time, it would be endearing, but she’s getting impatient.

_Spit it out, Ben._

He scowls.

_Maybe we could meet._

Rey is stunned. He mind-tricked his entire fleet instead of executing an attack that would all but ensure his victory so he could possibly _see her?_

She’s grateful for his actions and the repercussions of them rippling through the rebel forces, more so than she can fully process at this moment. She’s fixated on his intentions, puzzling them out relentlessly, uncomfortable with him feeling like he has to offer her grand gestures in order to be wanted. 

“I appreciate you not massacring my friends and not crippling the fleet,” she says stiffly. 

He wasn’t expecting that, but he nods anyway, a stilted flick of his head. 

_Ben, you could have just asked. I would have said yes. I shipped myself to you after you held my hand for all three seconds._

He blushes. 

There's something more brewing under the surface of his emotions. She can sense an endgame he’s hinting at. But she _needs_ him to understand this first before they start talking politics.

"Ben, you don't have to… _barter_ for anything with… this," she tells him, gesturing between them. "Not here. Not with me."

Ben learned early on that he was rewarded with affection and praise if he was convenient. If he carried himself a certain way, if he kept quiet and subdued during his mother’s press events, if he was overly helpful and didn’t require too much attention on a run with his father, his parents and the adults around them would shower him with affirmations. He was afraid to take up space, to need something, to have a crisis that needed an adult’s help. So, he learned to earn it, to bring something to the table so that he would be more welcome. 

Rey’s heart breaks and she expends so much energy trying to pour her thoughts into him. She’s resolute in this. He doesn’t have to do that, not anymore, not with her. He's worthy of love and acceptance just as he is. Dark and light and everything in between. Just as Ben. He had been all along, even as that young boy who drew in on himself. 

He blinks several times and looks away. 

“But still, thank you,” she adds. “The less blood that’s split, the better.” 

She’s weary and fatigued by this fight and exhausted from being a lofty symbol to those around her. 

_I can rest when it’s over, I guess,_ she muses bitterly, briefly forgetting Ben can hear her. 

In what feels like a lifetime ago, he would have jeered at her and flung bitter accusations about how the war _would_ be over if she had just taken his hand. She braces for it out of habit, but the rage and taunts never come.

Instead, an image darts into her mind unthinkingly from Ben. Stunned, Rey all but devours the vision before her, an obvious fantasy of when the war ends that he’s been keeping close to his chest. 

They’re together and their union is a tangible glow emanating from them. Ben sits beside her and they’re gathered around a small cooking fire with her friends. Chewie leans over and ruffles Ben’s hair, making him laugh loudly as he playfully bats the massive paw away. Rey catches Leia’s eye from across the way and they exchange easy, exultant smiles. Rey looks down at Ben’s hand twined with hers and spots a ring on his finger gleaming gently in the firelight. 

The room spins as she revels in the image. She’s seen his deepest desire and it’s _light_ and _peaceful_ and they’re _married._ Hope thunders through her veins and her heart soars into the stratosphere. It’s everything she hasn’t allowed herself to openly want and it’s so close, so possible, and he _wants_ it too _._ He could be here. With her. With Leia. 

"My mother would never allow me to just waltz back in," he mumbles sourly, breaking off her train of thought. 

"I wouldn't be so quick to assume."

Before he can retort, Rey further opens her mind to his, unfolding a handful of memories. They’re brief but poignant. 

First is Rey sensing the sudden blaze of Leia’s palpable anguish and indignation through the Force in the middle of an important resistance meeting several months ago. A newly recruited rebel cadet had callously spit that the galaxy would be much better off with Kylo Ren dead and rotting somewhere. Rey had genuinely expected the general to shoot the guy for his comments. She had half a mind to herself, honestly. 

But Leia didn’t. She just glared at him for several tense moments, trapping the cadet in her steely and unforgiving gaze, then frostily asking “are you _quite_ finished?” before breezily continuing the briefing. 

Then, Rey is heading to Leia’s office late at night, answering a transmission about new information that couldn’t wait until morning. Leia must not have heard or sensed Rey approaching, or maybe she did, but she didn’t look up as Rey entered the room. Leia is seated in a low chair by a dim lamp, gazing tearfully at a holovid. It’s short, only a few seconds, playing continuously on a loop. 

A small boy who couldn’t be more than a year old giggles wildly, a scant amount of baby teeth flashing in his broad grin. He wobbles on two unsteady feet, muscles lurching precariously at this newfound action. His mop of raven waves ripples as he takes a shaky step forward. And then another and another. He jerks to a stop and beams as cheers erupt around him. Rey picks out a Chewie’s soft warble mingling with Han and Luke’s yells. Hands that could only be Leia’s extend toward baby Ben, fitting under his arms as she lifts him, her gleeful laugh blending with the baby’s triumphant cackling. Then the hologram loops and begins again. 

And last, a memory from barely a day ago. Rey enters Leia’s private quarters, running an errand and fetching some files the general needed. She crosses the room and retrieves what she sought from the ornate desk. As Rey turns to leave, her gaze sweeps over the nightstand near the bed. An assemblage of picture frames are artfully placed there. Unable to stop herself, Rey peers into the frames. 

A handsome man in elegant senate robes smiles brightly up at her, a small bundle in his arms. Young Luke is there in the next photo, his eyes squinting closed in a long-frozen howling laugh. Han and Leia smile demurely at each other, hands clasped, as they recite their wedding vows. Then, in the largest frame that’s closest to the bed, Ben’s young face stares back at her. He hasn’t quite grown into his ears yet, his hair is much shorter, and his features softer and rounder with youth. He’s handsome though, strikingly so. Rey rakes her eyes over this echo of Leia’s family, sensing in the lingering energy how strongly the general’s love radiates here. 

Ben watches, spellbound, as Rey’s memories recede from his mind. An epiphany cascades over him in a gushing torrent that washes away all of his fears and self-loathing. 

His mother loves him. She _cares_.

After all this time. 

After everything he's done. 

Leia’s never _stopped_ caring. Because he's _hers._

Ben's heart clenches. He waivers, mentally calculating the time it would take to get to the rebel base if he left _right now._ Impulse control is not exactly a muscle he's had to flex very often the last few years.

A thousand ideas ricochet around his head. He bites the inside of his cheek and searches Rey's face like it holds all the sacred secrets of the universe. And maybe for him, it does. 

"What happens when her forces want to hold me accountable for all that I've done?" he counters. "If they insist on a trial? If they even let it get _that_ far. There's no way of knowing that one of them won't shoot me on sight."

 _It’s not as if I don't deserve anything less,_ he silently adds.

"I'd protect you."

Her fierceness growls dangerously through the bond, a flare of a feral need to shelter him from any threat, including rogue, trigger-happy resistance grunts. Then, as quickly as the ferocity had come on, she softens, and her mind brushes another answer towards him. 

_I'll take care of you_.

He scoffs, a small derisive chuckle tumbling past his lips. He pointedly looks away from her, scrutinizing surroundings Rey can't see. In his mind's eye, he rapidly shuffles through a series of faces; Leia, Han, Luke, Chewie, Lando, all these adults who were _supposed_ to take care of him. Heroes of the galaxy who were larger than life, but had never known what to do with the mess that was little Ben Solo _._ He had always been too much for them, despite how much they loved him.

 _It's rotten work,_ he ruefully shoots back, misery underpinning his tone. 

_Not to me. Not if it's_ _you_. 

Her answer is immediate and unwavering and her sincerity makes the Force thrum righteously around them. He stares at her for several long moments, warring with himself. Eventually his arm extends towards her timidly, barely raising from his side, as his brows delicately raise in a silent question. 

Rey reaches for him automatically, fingers stretching toward him in a mirror of his movement and she quickly closes the distance between them. Ben releases a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding as he pulls her into the circle of his arms. Rey nudges her way into the hollow above his collar bone, slotting her face against the column of his throat. 

They stay like this for some time, silently wrapped around each other. Ben’s thoughts are restless, but his mind is no longer the tumultuous, tortured storm it had been when they met. Rey waits patiently, gently trailing her fingers up and down the nape of his neck, as he sifts through a myriad of plans and decisions. At length, his shoulders drop several inches from his ears with a huff and his mouth dips down to graze the top of her crown and languidly lingers there. 

"There isn't much left in this universe that I wouldn't do for you," he mutters into her hair. 

The weight of the path before him crushes him for one horrible second. He's terrified. There’s so much to _do_ , to _say,_ to _fix._ All of the wrongs he must right tower ominously before him, an insurmountable summit he must begin to climb regardless of how fearsome it seems. 

_Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi, you know,_ Rey gently reminds him. 

She _feels_ his eye roll rather than sees it. 

Her vision from Ahch-To blooms in her mind as Ben projects it back at her. His wry, flat tone absolutely saturates the illusion, teetering on biting sarcasm. He contorts the image slightly, creating an exaggerated and grandiose version. The Jedi she envisions him to be stands victoriously on a mountain top, heroic face open and peaceful, and then he tosses his hair pretentiously and _winks_ at her. 

She laughs loudly. 

_That’s what you wanted, right?_ he teases silently. 

Ben Solo is every bit of his mother’s fiery wit and his father’s wicked humor. She chuckles again, inwardly marveling at how much he’s changed. There’s a long and arduous road before them, yet she is unafraid. 

“We'll do this together, Ben,” she assures him. 

_We can do anything,_ she adds. 

He nods and his throat bobs. He absorbs her resolute confidence in him, in _them,_ radiating through their bond. 

He believes her. 


	4. I Had a Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we out here 
> 
> can you tell i need more mama bear leia in my life?

"Rey, you _can’t_ know that." Finn's insistent voice cuts through her dwindling patience.

It had been almost an hour of this, rebel leadership squawking indignantly and arguing in endless circles. No one had foreseen that the First Order's Supreme Leader would personally extend an offer to conduct peace talks, provided the proposal for a ceasefire was accepted first. Their hesitancy and ludicrous predictions and suspicious hypothesizing was exhausting her. Rey supposed she would have been distrusting too if she had received the news as they did, but since she'd had advanced knowledge from the Supreme Leader himself… 

The leadership had asked for Rey's judgment, for the wisdom of the Jedi, to help illuminate their path. But the answer she had given with an earnestness that came from her very soul was not the one they had wanted to hear. 

"Yes," Rey seethes, trying again. "I can. I _do_. It is _not_ a trap."

The response is immediate. A dozen or so people begin yelling at once, but Poe's furious voice cuts above the din. 

"General, _please_ make her see sense," Poe barks, turning incredulously to Leia. "There is no way we can trust Kylo fucking Ren!" 

"Poe," Leia says in warning. 

"No! He's a lunatic! A monster! Just like he was always bound to be. I knew him when we were kids, so just trust me, he's too far gone, there's no coming back from his darkness! He killed his own fucking father, in case you all forgot," he rages, jabbing a finger at Rey from across the room. 

Everyone falls silent at his words, watching Leia cautiously, waiting for the backlash.

"The tragedies suffered in this war are not lost on me," she responds icily. "My son's journey was never meant to be an easy one. A descendant of Vader, a famous Jedi for an uncle, war heroes for parents, please, the Dark Side put a target on his back before he was barely even a whisper in the Force."

The general stonily eyed all of them, daring any one of the rebels to challenge her. Abruptly, Rey feels the familiar tremor on the edge of her senses as Ben quivers into place several feet away, facing her rigid back and taking in her ramrod posture. Without turning, she sends a flutter of acknowledgement towards him as a wordless hello. 

She must be in a meeting, he muses to himself. Likely with key members of the resistance. Possibly about his proposal.

She nods minutely, almost imperceptibly, and he knows she's answering him. 

_Come here,_ she beckons silently. _You should see this._

Unsure of what she intends to show him, he approaches slowly until his back is nearly pressing against hers. He towers over her shoulder and looks down at her questioningly. She discreetly reaches one fingertip out and brushes the back of his hand.

Instantly, her surroundings burst before him. He barely has time to make sense of what he’s seeing before his head snaps toward the sound of _her_ voice, so close, so ardent, so familiar. Leia. _Mom._

"The choices he has made will haunt him," she continued as Rey had reached for Ben. "But my son is _not_ gone. There _is_ light in him." 

As the sincerity of the general's words ring through the room and wash over Ben, Rey watches in with slight alarm as those around her register the shimmer in the Force announcing their new guest’s quasi-arrival. 

Finn's head whips around and he eyes the air surrounding Rey suspiciously but doesn't seem to track anything. Poe's brow furrows and he scowls as if he felt an unwelcome and frigid breeze brush by, but he doesn't look around. A few bewildered murmurs ripple through a handful of members. 

Leia, however, is the only one who appears to be able to actually _see_ Ben. Shock is screaming in a silent exclamation point from her features as she locks eyes with her son. 

Ben only has eyes for his mother. His heart splinters along a hundred different fissures as he studies her face. She's shorter than he remembers. Or maybe he’s just gotten taller in their years apart. And she’s much more delicate. This new war and the relentlessness of aging has made her seem more frail and grayer than he anticipated. But it's a clever facade, he can tell by the ever-present fiery glint in her eyes that she's as fierce as ever.

Mother and son simply stare at each other as a thousand hours pass in a heartbeat and a million unspoken words float in the silence between them. 

Rey watches Leia watch Ben. She can sense every single emotion churning within him and his trepidation and remorse suddenly swell and threaten to pull him under. 

_It's okay, love,_ her mind murmurs reflexively to his.

His eyes dart to the side of Rey's face and then back to his mother. He nods once, swallowing thickly. 

"How many chances can you give someone and watch them waste it _again_ before it ruins you?" Poe breaks in, his sharp tone unknowingly popping the bubble of their shared moment. 

"Don’t confuse refusing help with not needing it," Leia answers. "And after all, hope can go a long way. I should know." 

As if on cue, the connection begins to dissipate. A spike of desperation stabs through Ben, echoing into Rey. He isn't ready to leave his mother yet, not again, not so soon, not when he might be getting an answer as to whether he can see the two women who matter most to him in the galaxy. 

_Don't worry,_ Rey nudges him. _I'll fill you in on everything later._

He sighs but nods again stiffly. He sends a brief image to her; his intention of quickly pressing his lips to her cheek in an affectionate farewell. She picks up on his unspoken sheepishness, his silent explanation that he _would_ just lean forward and do it, but his _mom_ is watching, so, _you know._

Rey bites the inside of her cheek to stifle a laugh.

The connection fizzles and Ben's presence fades out. Barely a beat passes before Leia dismisses everyone in order to speak with Rey alone. 

As the forces file out, Leia heaves herself rather unceremoniously into a nearby chair. Rey braces for the difficult yet unavoidable conversation before them. Leia’s first question is not one she expects. 

“What did you tell him?” she asks, clarifying at Rey’s obvious confusion, “when he looked down at you.”

“Oh, uh, that everything was alright,” Rey mumbles. “I could tell he was feeling… unsure. And scared.” 

Leia smiles in a tired sort of way. 

“You're a dyad," she says simply. 

“A what?”

“Dyad. Luke and I ran across the term long ago, researching prophecies. It’s a powerful connection between two beings in the Force, tethering them to each other, making them one within the Force. If I remember correctly, there hasn’t been a connection like yours for centuries.” 

The air leaves Rey’s lungs in a sudden whoosh. She gawks at Leia. 

“General, are you cert -”

“Yes, yes,” Leia interrupted, waving her hand impatiently. “Darling, you two can communicate telepathically, you just told me you can sense his emotions, the only equal to your power is each other, _and_ he just appeared next to from across time and space. Yes, honey, I’m sure.”

Silence creeps between them as Rey absorbs this. 

“So,” Leia continues at length, “I suppose that’s the real reason for this sudden offer of a ceasefire and peace talks.”

"General, he's changing,” Rey tells her emphatically, suddenly desperate for her to understand the advancements taking place within Ben. 

“He… he wants to come home. I saw it. All of us around a fire, him and Chewie ribbing each other, and -” She cuts off abruptly, forcing herself to leave out the rest of the vision where she was her _daughter-in-law._

A dam breaks, and explanations are gushing from Rey in passionate bursts. She tells Leia the truth of what happened at the Jedi temple. How Ben’s mind had been twisted and tormented since even before then. How Snoke, with the seductive lies of the Dark, had convinced him that killing Han was the only way to kill the pain of denying the Light inside him. But as the deed was done, his agony had only multiplied horribly and irrevocably and had only ever gotten worse. How the only time he's been peaceful is... 

“With you,” Leia murmurs, eyes shining with unshed tears. 

Rey doesn’t ask how she knows this. She just nods. 

“That's why he killed Snoke,” Rey explains. She recounts the events in the throne room, offering insight to all of Ben’s choices leading up to the most recent days. 

“So, he called off his fleet,” she sighs, exhausted from relaying everything. “He mind-tricked them. To uh… lay the groundwork for these talks. As a show of good faith,” she finishes in a rush, cheeks flushing. It isn’t a lie, not really, but certainly not the reason he gave her. 

Leia sighs heavily, chewing over all that Rey told her. 

“We have much to do,” she finally says. “I’ll have Connix prepare a transmission agreeing to the talks.”   
  


Hours later, Ben is perched on the edge of his bed, waiting for the bond to connect him with Rey. His nerves are still a bit frayed from earlier but seeing his mother again after all this time, after everything he's done, had gone… better than expected. 

He looks up as Rey appears before him and his entire frame visibly relaxes at the sight of her. She smiles gently and pulls him close, cradling his head against her stomach. 

They curl around each other and crawl into bed. His head rests on her chest and she cards her fingers through his hair as she replays the conversation with Leia for him through the bond. He doesn't seem all that surprised about them allegedly being a dyad, so her mind all but elbows his for an explanation. 

_I had a theory,_ he admits shyly. 

"You _knew?"_ she gasps, freezing. 

He pulls back slightly and flits his eyes over her face. 

"I suspected," he explains. "You would have too if you'd spent the better part of your teenage years studying Jedi texts." 

"Why not just tell me?" she presses, ignoring his jibe. 

His mouth presses into a firm line. He studies her for several moments before looking down to idly twist the fabric of his sheet in his fingers. 

_Would you have believed me?_ he asks silently. 

She thinks it over, measuring how deeply she trusts him now against how little she did before. She sighs. 

_Probably not._

He squirms at her following silence, halfway bracing for her rejection, even after how far they've come. 

"Are you scared?" he whispers, not trusting his voice. 

_About being your Force soulmate?_

He rolls his eyes at her choice of words, but nods. 

"No, Ben, I'm not." 

The incredulous but exultantly hopeful _Really?_ slips out before he can manage a more sophisticated response. 

She grins fondly. 

_Really really. It explains quite a lot, actually._

His heart soars but he's still a little apprehensive. He's afraid she'll think of him as a burden, a choice she had no say in. 

"Ben, you _are_ my choice. Just like I am yours," she answers his anxious thoughts.

He nods and tightens his arms around her. Several moments drift lazily by as they lose and find themselves in the respective universes tucked away in the others eyes. 

Ben's thoughts eventually wander to seeing her in person and the potential of _actually_ holding her in his arms. Immediately, Rey blushes crimson and wriggles around to bury her face against her chest. He chuckles and presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

"It's odd," she mumbles into his shirt. "I see you every night, I sense all of your emotions, even when we're not actively connected like this, I hear your thoughts like they're my own. But…" 

She pauses and shyly peaks up at him. He scrunches his nose and finishes her thought. 

"It's still kind of terrifying?" 

She chuckles breathlessly, nodding, before nestling into his chest again. 

_At least we won't be trying to kill each other with lightsabers this time?_

Rey snorts. 

_No promises,_ she shoots back. 

He laughs loudly and squeezes her closer, nuzzling into her hair. The intermittent aftershocks of his laughter gently shake them both as they settle in for one more night in this beautiful in-between that is wonderfully _theirs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my notes for the next chapter is just  
> "ben solo is totally a wife guy" 
> 
> so, very that


	5. Then I'll Stay, Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get ready for some more feely feels and some steamy steam things

General Organa tuts and huffs indignantly as she flicks through a holovid overview of the planetary conditions where the peace summit is to be held.

Rey peaks over her shoulder and tries to find the reason for Leia's annoyance. Mon Cala had seemed innocuous enough; an outer rim oceanic planet that had once been a Rebel safe haven, even under Imperial control. With elaborate structures both above and below the sea, the negotiations would be conducted at an estate on one of the world's scant beaches. 

"All that humidity," Leia mutters under her breath. "And all those holos they're bound to film."

The General sighs heavily, turning to face Rey with an exasperated expression and arms a little akimbo. 

"Does that boy not remember _anything_ I taught him about appearances? My hair will be a wreck," she says with a playful pout, eyes sparkling.

Rey snorts and shakes her head. 

The base had been a flurry of activity as their forces prepared for the peace talks. Rey had been busy as well, privately coordinating and arranging a personal meeting between Leia and Ben that would take place before any press event would begin, just the two of them, alone. Poe and Finn had been furious, all but screeching unintelligibly about the general’s safety and Rey’s naivety when they found out. But Leia was resolute.

"The first time I see my son in person after _everything_ will not be in front of cameras,” Leia had stated firmly, and that had been the end of it. 

When the time comes for this family rendezvous, Rey’s steady attitude is a soothing balm to Ben’s nervousness. She had escorted Leia to the secluded room at the island estate where they would be staying and then gone to intercept Ben and take him to his mother. 

He’s pacing the hallway when she meets him, thoughts flying at a million miles per hour, grief and joy and guilt and hope swirling in equal measures within him.

_You okay?_

He turns to face her, his anxious eyes relaxing significantly when they meet hers. He manages a timid smile. 

_I will be._

She nods and grins reassuringly at him, extending her hand. 

_Let’s go._

They cross the threshold into the meeting room and Rey hears Ben’s sharp intake of breath at the same moment his chest physically aches at the sight of Leia waiting for him. 

He brushes passed Rey, falling to his knees in front of Leia, tears sliding down his cheeks. Leia gently cups her son’s face in her hands as they just look at each other for several long moments. At length, a choked, tortured syllable is all Ben can muster in greeting. 

“ _Mom_ ,” he whispers, breaking off as flurry of apologies become frozen behind his teeth. 

She smiles down at him, full of love and indulgence and sorrow. 

“I know,” is all she says in response, the mischievous glint in her eyes flashing softly. 

Ben huffs a small laugh and sniffles, thinking of his father. But when he opens his mouth to try again at his rehearsed apologies, Leia beats him to it. 

“Your uncle was a lot of things, you know,” she murmurs, swiping at the tears on his face with her thumbs. “Wrong and hotheaded and impulsive were often some of them. It must be a Skywalker thing.”

Ben swallows thickly, waiting for her judgement, her admonishments, her pain. 

“I should have kept you with _me,_ ” she whispers tearfully. “Ben, I never should have sent you away. But you’re home _now_ , okay?” 

His heart shatters and begins to reform itself in the same breath. 

Rey chooses this moment to quietly exit the room, backing away slowly, leaving them to these wounds that only they can begin to heal together. 

  
  


Later, she emerges from her own suit in a clean and pressed version of her usual white, Jedi-esque garb. A deliberate choice made by others to make her into the personification of the Light, coming to negotiate with the Dark. 

After the emotional reunion early, the ceremony and decorum that had begun the peace talks feels stiff, awkward, and a little pompous. Hatred and distrust is rolling off members of both groups in waves. When Rey walks directly up to Ben, smiling like he hung the moon, and fluidly takes a seat beside him, the atmosphere in the room turns to ice. 

His mother’s political career had nearly been destroyed by the Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader revelations. Part of the torment he endured as a boy had been the insistent worry that the darkness looming inside him would only bring his parents more pain and shame. 

Ben feels the familiar tendrils of self-conscious fear creep up his spine as he watches Rey’s friends gape and glare at her. Just by being near her, he’s tainting her. She seems unaffected by the looks they’re getting, which equal parts confuses and concerns him.

_I want you_ , she tells him decisively. _Always. As close as possible. I don't care what they will say or what digs they'll make._ _Keeping you at arms length just for the optics_ , she mentally grimaces, careful to keep her face outwardly neutral. 

_You’re mine,_ her thought is possessive and a promise. 

Reassured, Ben smiles down at his hands folded on the smooth table and the frigid mood around them begins to crack and thaw. Primly, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened, Leia begins outlining the plans the three of them had discussed previously to dissolve the war.  
  
  


Relaxing in her chambers after an extravagant welcome feast, Rey senses Ben's approach before he knocks. His fist is halfway raised to the varnished wood when she silently tells him its unlocked and to let himself in.

He had arranged for her to have the nicest quarters available, second only to his mother's (naturally). The plush carpet swallows the sound of his heavy footfalls as he crosses the elaborate and elegant suite, heading toward the delicate balcony doors that are thrown open wide. Just as he had predicted, Rey is outside, leaning forward on the railing, clothes and hair already halfway drenched, and fully immersed in the downpour that had begun during dinner. 

"I thought I might find you out here," he teases. 

Tucking himself neatly under the awning, he flashes her a relaxed smile as he leans against the door frame. She smirks at him with an unrepentant shrug before going back to watching the rain blend with the churning waves.

He doesn't think he's ever seen anything more beautiful than how she looks right now. His fondness and endearment roll off of him in waves and Rey blushes in response. 

But then she senses something else swirling under the surface. A slight smugness. Like he's pleased with a trivial plan that just came together without a hitch. Yet all he's doing is watching her revel in the weather. She whirls to face him as the realization hits her. 

"Is _this_ why you suggested the summit be held here?" 

He ducks his head and rubs the toe of his boot into the edge of the carpet. He's been found out. Although, he _is_ a little pleased with himself at being able to keep the surprise under wraps, a difficult thing when the object of your affection can hear your every thought.

"The locals call it a monsoon season, where it rains for weeks on end every year," he mumbles a bit shyly to the floor. "We're at the tail end of it, but the storms should last at least through the end of the talks." 

She gawks at him. 

Peace talks that could turn the tide of the war are currently being conducted. The galaxy hangs in the balance, its population reeling from the watershed significance of the First Order initiating an end to the conflict. His influence over the entire affair was made abundantly clear to her today. He could have pulled any string he wanted to make these talks happen. 

And instead, he found and chose an ocean planet where it is storming nonstop for weeks. 

For her. 

Because her favorite weather is rain. 

She realizes then that he really _would_ move entire star systems for her, if it meant she would have an ounce of happiness. 

_Is this what it feels like to be cherished above all else?_

The question forms in her mind unintentionally and flows automatically into Ben's. She was asking herself, or maybe the universe, more than she was really asking him. But his head flicks up at her thought and his warm, reassuring eyes meet hers 

_Yes,_ he responds at once. _Because you are._

It's the easiest, most earnest, most genuine answer of his life and Rey feels his sincerity radiate deeply into her own bones. 

Rey's emotions and her body react before her head does. She lurches forward and throws herself at him. His arms open at the exact moment she jumps into them and her legs wrap securely around his waist as his brace to support her weight and momentum. Their movements are perfectly synchronized, almost as if they've done this thousands of times before. 

For the space of half a heart beat she hesitates, studying his face. 

And then she's kissing him. 

Her hands weave into his thick hair and she presses against his chest like she's trying to meld herself permanently to him. His clothes soak through instantly at the contact with hers, but he barely registers this because _she's kissing him_ and it's better than anything the Dark or the Light had ever promised him. 

The Force thrums joyously around them and it feels like every particle in the universe sighs with contentment as their lips _finally_ meet. 

How many times he’s thought about this. How often she's dreamed of it. The backdrop of their imaginings always changing; the bleak interrogation chamber, the snowy forest on Starkiller, her fire-lit hut on Ahch-To, that _charged_ elevator ride on the _Supremacy_ , the smoking, demolished throne room. That stormy night a few weeks ago, when he wrapped her in his arms and his blanket. The other night when she ardently vowed to protect him. 

Rey had expected teeth and muscle and all of his usual intensity. She hadn't anticipated that he would absolutely melt against her with a soft, strangled whimper tumbling from his lips. Although his arms wrap around her in a steely hold, everything about him in this moment is gentle and unhurried, like he intends to dwell in this moment for the next millennia. Her fingers thread themselves more thoroughly in his hair, tugging gently at the waves curling in against the back of his neck. His lush lips move steadily against hers and she fleetingly considers how much _better_ this is than all of her fantasies. 

_Mine too,_ he answers instantly and even his mental tone breathless and exhilarated. 

He knew he wanted her, has wanted her for pretty much as long as he’s known her. But now that he has her, body warm and pliant against his, mouth moving under his own, he doesn’t know how he ever managed to live without her. 

He turns and gently presses her against the wall just outside the suite so she doesn't have to work as hard to stay around him. He is careful to keep them under the awning, although he doubts Rey would care very much if he didn't.

_This_ is what he had hoped for when he had started down the path to peace to bring them closer. Though actually holding her in his arms as she slept instead of from across the stars would have been enough and the longing he felt as he soothed her after the nightmare is finally sated now that she's _here_. But what they're doing now satisfies an entirely different hunger within him. 

Still though, he doesn't want to crowd or overwhelm her or overstep any boundary. So even as he loses himself in her kiss, he knows he needs to draw this to a close eventually and retreat to give her space and time to rest.

Truthfully, connecting through the Force for their nightly routine when his suite is down the hall _does_ seem silly, but he doesn’t want to pressure her or assume she wants him to stay. 

In the corner of her mind, Rey picks up on his intention of drawing this perfect moment to a close so he can give her space. She's a bit exasperated. Technically, it isn't as if they haven't shared a bed before. And also, why would she _ever_ let him go _now?_

_Wait_ , she protests, keeping her mouth on his. _Stay_. _Please_. 

There's a note of desperation flickering within the surface-level annoyance in her request, the unspoken _please don't leave_ trembling in the spaces between her ragged breaths. His resolve crumbles.

He sends her a flutter of soothing reassurance and nods against her kiss. Carefully, as if she's made of glass, he cups her face in his broad hands, the heel of his palms resting lightly on her cheeks and his long fingers cradling the base of her skull. 

_Then I'll stay, sweetheart,_ he tells her _. You never have to be alone again._

Her answer is a quiet, tortured moan that sends an electric shock down his spine. Panting slightly, her mouth wanders across his jaw and down his throat to his collarbone, drawing a warm, wet path over his skin. He tucks his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply and trembling slightly as he clings to the center of his universe.

When he hungrily claims her mouth again, it’s not consuming, at least, not in the way Rey would expect. It’s soft but it’s also just on the right side of desperate, the right side of needy, and it’s not domineering or commanding or anything but wanting, a continuation of something they’ve both craved for too long. 

When he parts her lips with his tongue, it isn’t rough or sloppy. He takes his time, brushing it just behind her teeth, the roof of her mouth, sliding it over hers slowly, sensually.  
  
Rey doesn’t mean to, but she groans, hands fisting in his hair. She feels his lips turn up in a smile, and when he pulls away she wants to chase him, wants to be intoxicated all over again.

Ben surprises her when he suddenly kisses her softly, chastely, touching his forehead to hers as they break apart. 

"I love you," he whispers fiercely. "It doesn't make up for or excuse anything I've done. But I do.”

Rey's vision blurs with tears and her heart feels as though it will expand out of her chest. This _belonging_ is all she's _ever_ wanted, all _he_ has ever wanted. The pain of an entire lifetime's worth of _yearning_ evaporates as the depth of his love washes over her through the bond. She feels his healing mirror her own. 

“I love you so much,” she murmurs, voice thick with emotion. 

He beams at her, dimples flashing, and it's like seeing the sun for the first time. 

_Look at us_ , he thinks suddenly, eyes dancing with emotion. 

They quietly laugh together. Distantly, Rey thinks of that forest in Takodana. She wonders what that desert girl would think if she knew the once fearsome Kylo Ren would be _giggling_ after kissing her breathless in the rain and declaring his love. Oh, and effectively ending the war _for her._

_Who would have thought?_ he muses. 

"Not me," she scoffs, chuckling. 

He grins and closes his eyes and sighs deeply. Brow furrowing slightly, he focuses on committing the sound of her voice as she told him she loved him to memory. Rey winds herself even closer to him. 

_I don't ever want to let you go,_ his mind murmurs and his arms flex as if to prove his point. 

She beams and quickly pecks the tip of his nose. 

_Good. Don’t. I’m all yours._

His eyes flash open and he smirks at her. Scooping her away from the wall, he walks her back into the suite, using the Force to close the balcony doors. 

Rey nestles in against him and she swears she has never felt more whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i sneak in a meme during one of the softest and emotional exchanges i've ever written
> 
> 3000% yes
> 
> no one can stop me


	6. So I Guess We Were Both Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's heeeeeeere
> 
> this little ditty transformed into much more than anything i ever expected it to! thank you for your kind words and compliments! you're truly the best
> 
> pls enjoy my version of the soft, sweet epilogue these two d e s e r v e d

Ben stays in power long enough to help form a new Republic and dismantle the chokehold the First Order had held on the galaxy. It takes longer than he expected, dissolving the forces and paving the way for democracy. But once peace had finally reigned, he abdicated, willfully fading into obscurity. 

Afterwards, he and Rey stay on Naboo for a month. They spend the majority of the daylight hours exploring various waterfalls and hidden tidal pools. It's there that he teaches her to swim. 

And it's there that he slips a ring on her finger, sinking to his knees before her in the glittering sunset as the waves tumble down behind them. She says yes, tackling him, before he is barely able to form the coherent thought in his head, nevermind verbally uttering a single syllable of it. 

They make a home on Ahch-To, teaching together, guiding others through the Force, learning to find balance within the rigid dichotomy of Light vs Dark that had exacerbated three different wars. 

They're making their daily trek to the temple ruins in the subdued light of dawn. She glances over at Ben as they crest a hill and the sight brings her to a sudden stop.

Dappled rays of sunlight fall over them as he turns to look at her and it's her vision come to life. He stands heroic on the hill, face open and untroubled and _light,_ looking at her like she's the most important thing in the universe. 

He picks up on her thoughts and smirks. He shakes his head dramatically, tossing his hair pretentiously, just as he had done when he teased her, and suddenly, _both_ versions of the vision are complete. 

_So I guess we were both right,_ he pokes at her with a devilish wink.

Rey rolls her eyes. The only detail they had both missed, both had not originally anticipated, was the chubby, swinging toddler legs dangling over his collar bones as the perfect, giggling girl sat happily on her father's shoulders. 

She's a clone of Ben; all dimples and ears and lush, dark hair. When she laughs, Luke is there in the crinkling of her eyes. Leia, when she's serious or artfully negotiating bedtime. Han, when she's mischievous and doing things she is 100% not supposed to be doing. And Rey, too, though Ben is able to point it out more often than she is. 

Rey was a little bitter at first. Nine long months of growing her, creating every inch of her, a grueling and arduous labor, and for what? Her daughter to come out looking almost exclusively like Rey's husband and in-laws. 

Leia had been a comfort though, assuring Rey that she had thought the same thing after Ben was born. 

"If I knew that 'have a baby with me' would actually mean 'create and birth a fun size version of me to argue with, too' I would have reconsidered," she teased. 

Rey glances down at her swollen stomach, wincing slightly as she feels her son roll and stretch in his limited space. He's running out of room in there. It won't be long until it's the four of them.

_This one better look like me,_ she thinks sternly as tiny feet press against her rib cage. 

Ben laughs, shaking his head at her. 

"Skywalker and Solo genes, baby," he says with a shrug. "I don't know what else to tell you." 

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at her as he silently adds, 

_If he doesn't, I guess we'll just have to make another one._

She whacks his arm affectionately as he barks a laugh and she chuckles despite herself. 

_Keep smiling at me like that and we'll see,_ she shoots back. 

"Mama," Rhaella cuts in, impatient in the way only a threenager can be. "Can we see LuLu and Grampa Ani now?" 

Rey reaches up and brushes her cheek with one finger then nods. Ben takes off instantly, jostling her theatrically as he jogs just to make her laugh. Rey doesn't know if she'll ever get used to seeing this side of him. Watching him with his daughter, _their_ daughter, had been transcendent. She didn't think it was possible to love him more than she already did.

Muscles in her lower back protest as she maneuvers against her weighted, displaced center of gravity to follow them. Ben uses the Force to hold her steady, gently manipulating the space to take some pressure off of her aching joints and tendons. She sends him a wordless sigh of thanks. 

When they reach the small cave, Rhaella shimmies impatiently down Ben's back and bounds directly towards Anakin. His visage glitters faintly in the morning light as he squats down and throws his arms open to his great-granddaughter, wrapping her in a tight hug and murmuring excited exclamations as she tells him _all_ about her previous day. 

With a wide smile, Luke watches his father and his great-niece for a moment before turning to greet Rey and Ben. 

"Not much longer, eh?" he asks as Rey puffs over to a nearby boulder to sit, shaking her head in answer. 

"Leia arrives this evening with the healers," she huffs. 

"We know," Luke answers, the benefit of being a Force ghost. "He'll be here before you know it. He'll be perfect. Just like that one."

They all turn and look at Rhaella, now cross-legged with Anakin, face screwed up tight in concentration. Next to her, the tiniest pebble is floating just a hairsbreadth above the ground. 

Anakin peeps one eye open and winks at them before swooping forward and tickling Rhaella, breaking her focus. They all laugh as she protests indignantly, insisting to try again. 

Ben and Luke resume a previous discussion over content in the Jedi texts, preparing for the next round of Padawans set to come after the baby arrives. Rey closes her eyes, not so much meditating, more just soaking in this quiet, domestic moment. There won’t be many more like this before their world shifts permanently again. 

Change comes barely a day later when Bailen Solo screams his way into the world. As suddenly as his shrieking begins, he stops and glances around. The newborn seems a little taken aback, but like he's done this before, and he's only just a little pleasantly surprised to be back. 

He has Ben's ears and raven hair. It seems there's no avoiding those traits, Rey thinks ruefully. But, he has Rey's soft, hazel eyes. And, Ben insists, her cheeks. Bailen's little face shares similarities to his sister's, to be sure, but his smile is all his mother's. When they see his tiny baby grin for the first time, Ben melts. Rey is just a little smug. 

Leia is ecstatic, just as she had been when Rhaella was born. But as she holds Bailen, silent tears slide down her face and they seem to have a silent, private conversation together with just their eyes. 

Rey wakes in the early hours of the morning, body exhausted and drained. She turns to reach for the baby in his nearby bassinet, but it's empty. Ben's murmurs reach her ears then and she turns to see him curled in a nearby chair, talking softly to their son. She watches them for a long time. 

He tells him about Han. And Leia. And Luke. And Rey. And Rhaella. And Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Chewie and Lando. Every member of this cobbled family and their importance to the galaxy.

"You'll be just as great as any of them," Ben whispers. "But I'll tell you a secret; you already are. You and your sister, you're the best of all of us. Because you're just you and that's all you ever have to be. That will always be enough, okay?" 

He waits, like he expects the baby to actually respond to him. His pause earns him an answering gurgle though, and Ben's face breaks into a broad smile. 

"See, I knew you'd understand." 

Rey snorts delicately despite the tears leaking slowly from her eyes. Ben looks up and catches her eye at the sound, beaming at her, and comes to sit on the edge of her bed with Bailen. They stare down at him, just as awestruck and lovesick as they had been with Rhaella. Leia had taken her, so Ben and Rey could have some alone time with the baby. 

Rey closes her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude for this life she and Ben fought, sacrificed, and bled for. This life they earned together. These little lives they _created_ together. 

_I love you_ , she tells him. She'll never grow tired of telling him. His answer is instant and full of his father and their shared wicked humor. 

_I know._


	7. Update from the Author

Hey kids! 

Just a quick little note to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the love and feedback I've gotten on this fic! I hope you're all staying safe and well out there. Since everything is varying degrees of horrible, I figured we could use a little pick-me-up and some unbearable cuteness that could briefly transport us to a world where this whole thing is behind us. 

Summer of 2017, my niece went to Disney World in Orlando and got to meet Rey :) Twice! My sister-in-law goes HAM when it comes to Disney and makes my niece little custom outfits so she'll get picked out of the crowd or they'll get chosen to do special things. The first day in Hollywood studios, Niece wore an adorable little storm trooper skirt and got picked to march with the troopers and then got to meet Rey and Chewie. It was apparently a huge deal because at the time, the park only had one actress for Rey, so her time to mingle with park guests was pretty limited. But they snap some photos, it's adorable, we all swoon, move on. I tear up looking at the first photo because you can see how patient and gentle the actress is and UGH. I love Disney.

THE NEXT DAY! My niece went BACK in her a Rey costume complete with her own little staff and the Disney World Rey was doing a show or some kind of little attraction, SAW MY NIECE in the crowd in costume and picked her out AGAIN and hung out with her more. Resulting in this badass second photo. 

It makes me happy every time I look at it. And I will not lie, was kind of a bit of a muse for some of my headcanon's re: Force teacher Rey or Mom!Rey :) 

So please enjoy and stay well! <3 

<https://imgur.com/wOJ7mx3>

<https://imgur.com/SHVIZWx>


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